How Intimate Partner Violence is a Reproductive Justice Issue: A Personal Conversation

 

Trigger Warning: In this episode we talk about intimate partner violence. If you need help or to talk to someone you can call or chat the National Domestic Violence Hotline at https://www.thehotline.org/ 1-800-799-SAFE or the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) at https://www.rainn.org/ 1-800-656-HOPE.

Intimate partner violence (IPV), or abuse or aggression in intimate or romantic relationships, takes many forms, including physical violence, sexual violence, stalking, financial violence, and psychological aggression. Monica Edwards, Federal Policy Manager at Unite for Reproductive and Gender Equity (URGE), talks to us about the ways in which IPV and reproductive health, rights, and justice intersect, and the communities most impacted by IPV.

SisterSong’s definition of reproductive justice is “human right to maintain personal bodily autonomy, have children, not have children, and parent the children we have in safe and sustainable communities.” Forms of IPV that are directly connected to reproductive health and reproductive justice include tampering with contraception, contraceptive coercion, and “stealthing,” (the removal of a condom during sexual intercourse without a partner’s consent), among other forms. Those seeking abortion care may be unable to do so because they are in an IPV situation, and research from the Turnaway Study has shown that those who cannot access an abortion are more likely to stay with abusive partners. Those who are experiencing violence—intimate partner violence, police violence, violence from the state, etc.—are not living in safe and sustainable communities, and therefore cannot fulfil their reproductive justice.

It is important to note that IPV directly impacts different communities in different ways. A recent study has found that homicide is the leading cause of maternal mortality for pregnant people in the United States. Black, Indigenous, and other People of Color (BIPOC) experience IPV disproportionately. Young people—whether teens or young adults—can experience IPV or what’s known as “teen dating violence,” and data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has found that 1 in 12 teens experience dating violence and 1 in 12 teens experienced sexual dating violence.

How do we address these issues that demand immediate attention? Having open, honest, and intersectional conversations that uplift and center the experiences of communities that are consistently oppressed. This rule is as true for intimate partner violence as it is for reproductive health and abortion and contraception access.

Links from this episode

URGE on Twitter
URGE on Facebook
More information on IPV and BIPOC and pregnant people
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network
The National Domestic Violence Hotline

Transcript

Jennie: Welcome to rePROs Fight Back, a podcast where we explore all things reproductive health, rights and justice. I'm your host, Jennie Wetter, and I'll be helping you stay informed around issues like birth control, abortion, sex education and LGBTQ issues and much, much more-- giving you the tools you need to take action and fight back. Okay, let's dive in.

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Jennie: Welcome to this week's episode of rePROs Fight Back. I'm your host, Jennie Wetter, and my pronouns are she/her. So this week, I just wanna give a big trigger warning at the top before we start the episode. So we are gonna be talking about intimate partner violence and domestic violence. So if this is something you're not in a place to listen to, you know, come back a different day and listen, you know, if you have to skip it entirely, we totally understand. And we'll see you next time. This is an issue that is, is important to me. I, I think I may have mentioned this on the podcast before, but not talked about it a lot, but I'm a survivor of domestic violence and that's been a long journey to be able to, to claim that-- I was really young and had a really poor under understanding of what intimate partner violence was at that time, as many people do. I, you know, I've talked about my experience with sex ed. So there was definitely no, what do healthy relationships look like? None of those identifying things and not a really good understanding, at least on my part, but I also think, you know, broader the way society talked about it at that time of what domestic violence and intimate partner violence look like. You know, I had a lot of thinking, “well, it's not that bad. At least it's not this. Or at least it's not that.” And, you know, as I have grown and working in the field of sexual and reproductive health and have gotten to be much more familiar with gender-based violence and intimate partner violence and all of these things, you know, I look back on that time of my life and just… man, there were just like red flags everywhere, just everywhere. I think, you know, this conversation around intimate partner violence, we often miss that. It, it does happen a lot to, to young people, young people in high school and college, and it's not talked about as much. And that's the age I was when I was dealing with this… a lot of it was emotional abuse and, uh, I definitely didn't see it that way at the time. Right? Didn't have a real understanding of it. And I look back now and I can see, you know, all of the controlling behaviors I can see the way it, it has stuck with me for a very long time. It's been a journey and one that as I am getting older, I feel like I'm getting to understand better and seeing how it has impacted me and just like all these little things of like understanding it more. I think I did a lot of justifying and, you know, shame plays a lot in this. So a lot of denial and not talking about it with people, a lot of seeing it as my fault and you know, that has really changed in my life. I've really come to see it for what it was that I was in a really unhealthy relationship and seeing all the damage in has caused. So to me, this topic is really important. One and a really intimate one. And it was really I that we talk about it on the podcast, not just because it intersects with repro, which it does. And we'll definitely talk about it in the episode today, but because it's really important to talk about intimate partner violence and all of its forms and what it looks like so that you can recognize it and all so, so that you know, that there's help out there.

Jennie: So, you know, a couple of really important resources are the National Domestic Violence hotline. You can go to their website, you can chat with somebody there, or you can call 1-800-799-SAFE. Another opportunity is the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network. Again, their website has a chat you can use, or you can call 1-800-656-HOPE. Both of them are really great resources, so you can reach out for help if you need it. I think with that, we'll turn to this week's episode. Like I said, it's really personal and I'm really excited to talk to Monica Edwards at URGE about this topic. So with that, let's turn to my interview with Monica.

Jennie: Hi Monica. Thank you so much for being today.

Monica: Thanks for having me back on.

Jennie: I'm always excited to have you on, I'm…. Hmm. Excited definitely feels like the wrong word. I am glad, glad that we're having you on to talk about intimate partner violence and repro. And again, glad feels weird to say.

Monica: Yeah, it, it does. No, I get it.

Jennie: But I, we talked about this a while ago and I was so excited that we were gonna do it and I'm so happy it's finally happening.

Monica: Definitely, definitely. It's important issue that often gets lost. Um, so I think it's definitely important, not a great topic, but definitely an important one.

Jennie: So maybe we need to start a little bit at the beginning. Cause I think some people have like a general understanding of what intimate partner violence is. I know, like when I was dealing with it, I didn't have like a good grasp of like everything that it encompasses. Like I only have like really specific ideas. And so I think it's helpful to like start at the beginning of like, what is it?

Monica: Definitely, definitely good to do a level set for the folks who maybe don't know what it is, but those who do know may not be sure how to put it in words. So definitely… IPV or intimate partner violence. So IPV takes many forms. It's defined by the Centers for Disease Control as abuse or aggression in intimate or romantic relationships. And it also can occur as physical violence, sexual violence, stalking, financial violence, and psychological aggression. And it can happen by a current or a former intimate partner. A lot of people will think that you have to have been in a long-term relationship to experience intimate partner violence. That's not true; IPV or intimate partner violence can take place in relationships that are short term that are maybe casual dating relationships or just maybe purely sexual relationships, but IPV can still be a part of those relationships as well.

Jennie: I think when we first started talking about the possibility of doing this episode, it came up in the terms of young people. And I think that's like an audience that I think a lot of people don't realize are often victims of intimate partner violence.

Monica: Definitely. 100%. Like most issues in the world, young people are often left out of the conversation when it comes to dealing with things that are harmful or that actually disproportionately impact them. Despite the fact that really no one talks about it, that's true for intimate partner violence. That's true for abortion access. That's true for dealing with climate change or environmental justice. Like it's these things disproportionately impact young people and not only disproportionately impacts them but impacts them in such a unique way that it should be talked about more often, but most of the time it's not. So yeah. That's why I'm always like, yeah. We should talk about young people, especially because I, myself, when I experienced intimate partner violence, I was a young person.

Jennie: Same.

Monica: Yeah. And when I say young people, I want folks to know, I don't just mean young people who are under the age of 18, which is definitely, they are young people. But for me, that definition also includes folks that are between the ages of 18 and 30. So you can, you can experience intimate partner violence both in your teen years or in your young adult years.

Jennie: Well, this makes me think it intersects perfectly with like another passion topic of mine that I don't get to work on as much and that's sex ed, right? That's something that a lot of, where young people could first possibly get this information of like what healthy relationships look like would be in a comprehensive sex ed program that so many young people are denied.

Monica: Definitely, definitely. Like I said, it disproportionately impacts young people. So oftentimes this can be called teen dating violence as well. So the CDC counts about 1 in 12 teens in the United States experience, physical dating violence, and about 1 in 12 experience sexual dating violence, right? So if we have young people who are in their teen years or in their adolescent years, if we wanna use technical terms used by the CDC, right? Like if we're able to reach young people in various ways, not just sex ed, but that is definitely a tool in which we can reach young people and talk about, you know, as you grow, as you begin to have, not only just romantic and intimate relationships, but even just friendships with people. It's important to know about consent, about boundaries, about how to set those, how to realize and analyze when your boundaries or your consent has been crossed in ways that you can fight back. And so I definitely think sex ed is a tool. I will die on the hill that sex ed is definitely a way in which we can reach young people when it comes to talking about intimate partner violence or teen dating violence.

Jennie: Yeah. I just think of all the ways that like intimate partner violence was [portrayed] definitely when I was that around that age, like domestic violence was how it was talked about was, was talked about, was like, there were huge parts of the conversation that were missing, right? Like we didn't talk about young people. It really seemed to focus on physical violence. And didn't talk about the full range of getting into like the emotional abuse or any of those other types of abuse that were all part of this umbrella. So that when I was dealing with it, I, I didn't know it was a thing. So like, it didn't occur to me that that was what was happening and it wasn't until much later being able to look back and understand like the full range of it and like being able to write off the smaller portion. That was the part that I knew was wrong. Does that make sense?

Monica: No, that makes total sense. I totally cosign 100 percent, and I definitely had a similar experience. Like I remember like just being in that relationship, that it didn't take a physical turn towards violence.

Jennie: “It's not that bad.”

Monica: Yep. Until, until later on. So towards the very end of the relationship, but looking back, like there were so many-- to use the TikTok trend, red flags. I swear, there were so many red flags, but there were like financial manipulation, emotional abuse, manipulation, narcissism, like things that happened that were not positive were somehow always my fault. And I could have did something or said something better. Right? And like, if I hadn't known beforehand, like, you know, these are red flags of you, of you dealing with someone who's technically kind of emotionally and financially manipulative. Even if you don't wanna use the terms abusive at the very least they're manipulative. Right? And like, if I had known that beforehand, I probably would've handled things a little bit differently and that's not to say, I maybe would've left the situation sooner. Because we, we leave these situations on our own time and that should be acknowledged and respected as survivors navigate a whole bunch of things when dealing with abusive relationships or intimate partner violence. However, I just remember looking back, being like sis, you were dealing with some red flags at the very beginning.

Jennie: Oh, yeah.

Monica: Like, how did you miss it?

Jennie: Oh. And like the looking back now, and like, even now it's like reading things, being like, oh, I didn't even think about this red flag. And sometimes it's just so much easier to see it from the outside. I mean, as most things, right? It's like when you now have friends who have dealt with similar things and being able to be like, “oh no, no, no, no, don't let that go.” But not being able to identify it at the time with, within myself. And like, that was for a whole host of reasons. Right?

Monica: Exactly.

Jennie: Not understanding that it was a problem at the time, it’s harder when it's you, like a whole host of reasons.

Monica: Exactly. Exactly. And I wanna be honest and to all the folks listening, like in no way, shape or form, am I suggesting that, like, if you didn't recognize the red flags beforehand, that you're somehow stupid or you're wrong. We, it takes us time to understand when we're dealing with things that are not okay. Like there's an emotional response, there's… your body has to respond. Like, there's just so, so many factors that come into play and in no way, are you dumb or are you stupid. Or, or you could have done it better, or you should have did this. Right? Like we're all just surviving and doing the best we can in not only just in intimate relationships, but just in friendships and work relationships, just the environment in general. Right? And so at whatever time you recognize that your situation wasn't okay. And you, in whatever time you maybe have decided to do something differently or, or not. Like that is totally okay. And you are valid. Right? And I just wanna like say that.

Jennie: No, super important. And like the shame and stigma, you feel like, try not, like it's so much easier to say it is to do, like, it's like talking about it on this episode. And actually I, before we talked, I just recorded an intro, talking a little bit about my experience. Like that was the first time I've been like super public, discussing it. So like, it's hard and it takes a long time. And this was a long time ago for me. And it has taken me a really long time to get to this place. And like for a long time, I definitely was doing the like, “oh, you were so stupid to get into this.” And like, no, don't no, that is not what it is. It's all part of the healing process.

Monica: There is, there is in healing. I also wanna say for folks, especially for survivors, like healing is not this like linear, static thing, like you don't reach healing and it's the end of it. It's like, okay, bye. That's not how it works. Healing is an entire, not linear up and down like static journey. Like I'm still healing. And it's been, gosh, 3, 4, 5 years since I left my intimate partner violence situation. And so like, and I'm still healing and that's not to say that, like, I'm still experiencing some of the immediate effects of leaving the intimate part violence relationship. Right? There's so like some PTSD, I would say, but like, I'm not in like this place where like, I'm just completely like not able to do anything, but that doesn't mean I'm not still healing. Right? Like it's, it's such a journey. And so also for survivors don't feel like your healing journey has to go a certain way or it has to take a certain turn or it has to end at a certain point or start at a certain point. If it's a whole journey that is unique for you and don't let anyone tell you that it's not.

Jennie: For sure. For sure. And like, don't think it is going to start right away either. Right? Like I, I know like there was like definitely some of the, that started right away, but then there was like a long time of like, not even understanding the fullness of what happened. And we're talking like over a decade later of like looking back and being like, “oh, I really need to process like the full range of that,” that was that I didn't process at the time, because I didn't understand it for what it was.

Monica: Definitely. Definitely. Like I left my relationship, I'd say about three and a half, four years ago. I didn't start my healing journey for real until like the pandemic started. So like, that's how, that's why I'm like, it doesn't start immediately after it doesn't have to can, but there's just so many ways in which like healing takes place. And it means so many different things for so many different people. And so like, just don't think your journey has to be a certain way because it doesn't. And it, and that is true for many reasons, including like, not just being a survivor, but like at what age you experienced violence, whether you experienced violence previous to that relationship, your race, your ethnicity, your sexual orientation, your gender identity, like there's so many things that really impact the way in which we can heal and process.

Jennie: Right.

Monica: Cause it's like, let's to be honest, like for women of color, for folks of color, for trans women of color in, in particular, we don't really get the luxury of trying to heal. Cause we are often seen as the folks that have to like be resilient. I remember seeing a TikTok yesterday that was just pushing back on the narrative that like Black women have to be resilient all the time. And it's just like, “oh, you're so strong.” And it's like, yeah, I'm strong because the alternative would be, I would be dead. Like I, like, I don't get, I don't get why we're glorifying Black women just having to be resilient all the time. And I think that's true when it comes to like intimate partner violence and just like folks of color experiencing violence. We often think that they're supposed to be resilient and like strong and like not fall apart, et cetera, et cetera. And it's like, that's not how that works. And so, especially to survivors of color out there, like specifically survivors who are Black, like, no, you don't have to be resilient. You don't have to be strong. Like you're, you can fall apart. It's okay. And I wanna normalize that. I wanna normalize folks, specifically Black folks, being able to fall apart and not having to be strong all the time.

Jennie: I think that's a really important addition to this conversation.

Monica: Thank you.

Jennie: OK. So let's talk about how this, how does this connect with reproductive health? Like how, how is this all connected? Because it is, right?

Monica: It definitely is not. [Both laugh]

Jennie: And end a podcast. That was it. [Laughs]

Monica: No, definitely. So I always love to quote the amazing repro justice definition by SisterSong, shout out to SisterSong, shout out to Monica Raye Simpson and all the folks who began the reproductive justice movement.... And also the like, just shout out to y'all because I use this definition like daily. Yes. Not only just in doing my work, but just in the way I live my life. So for folks that who don’t know what reproductive justice is because it's often been used recently as like a buzz word. And it's like, no, it's not the same reproductive rights.

Jennie: Yeah.

Monica: So reproductive justice, it's defined by SisterSong as the ability to have children, to not have children, and to parent the children we do have in safe and sustainable communities. And so how this relates to intimate partner violence… like we're not living in safe and sustainable communities if we're experiencing violence. And that not only includes intimate partner violence, that includes state violence. So police violence, violence by ICE, et cetera. And so therefore intimate party violence is directly connected to the fight for reproductive health rights and justice. Right? So for example, intimate partner violence can include sexual violence--and that includes intentionally sabotaging contraception. for example, it can include things like “stealthing”, which is basically removing a condom during intercourse without a partner's consent. And so these are just ways in which intimate partner violence is connected to reproductive health and rights and justice.

Jennie: Yeah. I think that it's really important to talk about how these are all connected because yeah. You have birth controls sabotage, or like you talked about “stealthing” and like increased risk of STIs. I also found really depressing, like reading the Turnaway Study and talking about people who were denied access to a wanted abortion, then more often stayed with their abusive partners for longer. Like they may have left them eventually, but they stayed in that relationship much longer than they might have if they were able to get the wanted abortion.

Monica: Yes, yes. A hundred percent. Right. We know there are examples of folks who are seeking abortion care and are unable to do so because they are in an intimate partner violence situation or it just makes it that much harder. And on top of it [already] being harder because you're in an intimate partner violence situation. Right? So let's just say you have a partner who is violent financially, right? Doesn't even have to be like a physical aspect. Let's just say there's financial manipulation. And it's, so you're unable to really access your accounts without your partner knowing, you're not really to do much without your partner knowing, and if you're trying to access abortion and you're living in a state, I'm just gonna say my home state of Alabama--y'all roll tide, no shade, Alabama, I'm the only person that can talk bad about Alabama, since I'm from Alabama, none of the rest of y'all can-- but let's just say you're in Alabama and you have laws like that make you have a mandatory waiting period before you can access abortion, right? Like that's another day or two added before you can even access abortion. And you add a compounding situation of IPV on top of that, right? Like that's just barriers on top of barriers.

Jennie: Being able to travel.

Monica: Exactly. That's just traveling to care. That's not even getting the care. So again, that's why when people say, for example, like abortion bans and try to say, well, “oh, it's only this ban. It's only a mandatory waiting period. It's only like a, a certain amount of week ban.” Like no, these things mean things for real people, especially for folks who are experiencing violence, right? If you're forced to wait 72 hours before you can access abortion, and you're dealing with a violent situation like that is a barrier to you receiving the healthcare that you need and you deserve, and it's not right.

Jennie: Or if you're in Texas right now, and to get that care, you have to leave the state. Like, are you gonna be able to leave the situation you're in to travel that far to access the care you need?

Monica: Exactly. And then we were, we were talking about young people earlier, right? Like, let's just say, you're a young person. Let's just say, you're not me when I was experiencing violence. So I was in my early to mid-twenties when I experienced it. Let's just say you're, uh, under 18, like you're trying to access abortion care while in a violent situation. At the same time, you may not have access to transportation. So how are you gonna get to get the care that you need? Like, so it is just, we talk about these things in a way that's like, oh, this is just a separate issue. This is this issue. But when you really think of a, about it, all of these barriers and all these issues intersect in a way that actually impact real people, especially people who are already systematically oppressed by the systems that be.

Jennie: And I think another really important area of this to bring in is like, how does this impact maternal health and maternal mortality? Because yes, there are all these ones before that, but also we know that it has a real harm during pregnancy. And, um, I don't know if this is still true. I think it's still true. Homicide is the leading cost of maternal mortality. Like that's wild.

Monica: Wow. Yeah. And I think there was like a Guttmacher report a couple years ago that said that 40% of pregnant women… and y'all, I, I wanna name that I'm using stats that say women and men, and I wanna really acknowledge that. Right? Like not just we're, we're not just talking about in gender binary terms. We know that and trans folks need access to abortion. We know that, um, trans folks get pregnant. We know that trans folks experience intimate partner violence. Right. So like, I don't, I'm just quoting stats here. That's why I'm using this gender binary. But I definitely, you know, obviously we know that like not just women deal with these issues, but the report said that 40% of pregnant women reported being physically abused by a current or former partner and that it was linked to poor maternal health outcomes. So you definitely [see it] intersects with the issue of maternal health.

Jennie: Okay. Okay. So this is all terrible.

Monica: Yes. Very terrible.

Jennie: How do we address this? Like how do we address these issues?

Monica: I think a good start is things like this, having conversations that aren't siloed, like we talk about abortion and we talk about reproductive healthcare and health and rights and justice. And then we talk about intimate partner violence and domestic violence and teen dating violence and, and Me Too, and sexual violence and the movement against just violence period. But we often don't connect the two. We often silo them and talk about, “oh, this impacts X amount of people. And this issue impacts X amount of people.” And we're literally talking about the same people and these, both of these issues impact them, but we don't talk about it in that way. And I think one of the things we can do to address it is we have to start talking about it, right? Like I would say, this is just me talking from my perspective as a, as a survivor. Like I still feel like we don't take intimate partner violence seriously. I still feel like we don't talk about it in a way that talks about solving it. That's not feminism. Right? Uh, we still often talk about intimate partner violence in terms of reporting. In which we know there are a multitude of reasons why survivors may or may not report or involve police when we know specifically for Black folks like involving the police? Um, no. Like I remember with my situation, like one of the reasons I didn't call the police, an incident happened, and one of the reasons I didn't call the police is because I think a month or two before that, Philando Castile had just been murdered by police. So in my mind, I'm thinking I'm a young Black woman, my partners and young Black male, we’re very Black. We're unambiguously Black. There's no, “she could be this. And he could be” no, we're Black and we're in the south. And am I expected to call the police, not knowing if this can end up as a more escalated situation. Right? Like, so we don't talk about these issues in a way that really reach people that are being disproportionately impacted. And so I think that's one of the first things we can do is stop siloing each issue and start having real conversations about how they impact communities that are already oppressed.

Jennie: Yeah. I think, yeah, that is absolutely a hundred percent true. And, and I also feel like you still see a lot of the, like, how to see the signs and not like how not to be an abuser, right? Like there's what you need to do to be in a healthy relationship your end. Not here's how you need to identify when you're in an unhealthy relationship.

Monica: Mm-hmm, exactly. And I mean, both things are needed, but I, I definitely think like a lot of times we don't talk about the ways in which people who cause harm need to be held accountable. And I say held accountable in a very general way. There's no specific way that I think people should be held accountable. Cause that's also very subjective to the survivor. Right? But right. Like we don't talk about it in a way that really holds people or just names that, “Hey, you caused harm.” And like, there needs to be a conversation about, or maybe not a conversation there like, there needs to be a thing that moves things forward. Right. And it's often just like, “Hey, here are the signs, you're in an abusive relationship. And here's hotline you call” and like, that's helpful, but it's also like, when are we gonna start sending the message that you should not be harming people?

Jennie: It just like, takes me back to like conversations around sexual assault like “you're ruining his life.” Right. Like this accusation is like, and like, that's the worst thing you could do. And I feel like this falls into like that same bucket of like, it's not talked about because like the accusation would be like, I don't know…

Monica: Cough Brock, Brock Turner cough.

Jennie: Right.

Monica: Like, it's just like, oh, and it's just, and we have this fake concern for cancel culture that does not help. And it's like, they're gonna be canceled. And it's like…

Jennie: Louis C.K just won a Grammy!

Monica: Right. I'm like, no one has actually been canceled. So I don't know what you're talking about for cancel culture. Like, like stop. Yeah. So, yeah, but I would say those are some of the, some of the main things to address it is just like really having conversations that bring people to the table so that they can talk about their perspectives, especially to perspectives that often get lost. Cause oftentimes when we think about, and that's not true just for IPV, that's true for other issues too, like repro and, and abortion access. Like I remember coming into the movement and being kind of like, I don't know, cause this has traditionally been like a cis, heterosexual white space. So like, I'm like, um, I don't know if I have belong here, thank God for this framework for reproductive justice. But like, I just remember walking in, like, you know, this movement has, you know, left me behind most of the time. And so, right? And when it comes intimate partner, violence, it’s kind of the same for survivors who are Black and, and other survivors of color, not just Black, Latina, Asian American, and Pacific Islander, especially Indigenous women, right? Indigenous women have some of the highest rates of intimate partner and domestic violence. And like, when we think about the issue, like, and we see media and billboards and, and memes and all the things trying to raise awareness, like what pictures do we see? Like I want people to really think about, like when I see something talking about addressing intimate partner violence, what do I see? What images come to mind? And if the image is one of a cisgender heterosexual white woman, that is part of the problem because you're only seeing survivors as one thing and that erases other folks who are experiencing violence.

Jennie: Yeah. That makes me think of, and you may have mentioned this and so sorry if it's repetitive, but like the LGBTQ community and like how hard, like we, we did not have the Violence Against Women bill reauthorized, because Republicans were so intransigent about adding in LGBTQ community. That's like, come on, like these communities are also experiencing the same thing.

Monica: Exactly. Right. And it shouldn't be 2022 on Beyonce's internet, we should not be in a place where conservatives are blocking bills that can aim to help protect folks and, and not protect, but just addressing issue by blocking it because it centers or acknowledges honestly, trans folks. Right? Cause I mean, when we talk about VAWA, like VAWA can be problematic itself, right. It technically, it's technically a funding bill that funds police budget. Like it's a really, really long wheel. So it gets all things, but like technically VAWA in itself is problematic, but right. Like we're all working under a really flawed and problematic system that gots to go. But until it does, we kind of gotta work within it. And that was a way in which folks were trying to kinda take VAWA in the, the ways that it had been implemented before and make it so that it really does center survivors who are not just cis heterosexual folks. And we got nothing…that was the moment [inaudible] So now we, but the folks who do that work every day got a lot of pushback because of that provision and that’s just sad. And these are the same people who are passing anti-abortion bills right now, who are passing anti critical race theory bills right now, who are passing abortion bans right now. So again, it all comes circular and its all connected, which is why I say one of the ways we can address this is by having more intersectional conversations.

Jennie: And not just to say that LGBTQ community was the only community they were blocking it for. It also was including the native community. So they were blocking it for exactly. Both have disproportionate harm.

Monica: Exactly.

Jennie: Don't want people to thin. I did not see the native piece as well. Okay. So we already kind of got to this, but we always like to end with like, what can our audience do? What, what, how can they help on these issues?

Monica: Definitely. I am someone, I love my federal policy work for the most part, for the most part in there. But, but I am someone who will die on the hill that the real change is gonna happen in the states and local communities. So one of the things you can do to fight back is get involved with organizations and advocates in your community that are working on intimate partner violence. And not just any, but the ones that are working on it in an intersectional, that are working on it in an anti-racist way. Right? Like when we start working and supporting the folks who are already doing the work in our communities, right? That's where the change happens. I can't tell you how many times I've seen people go start an organization. And I'm like, there's literally an org, like 10 minutes down the road that does exact same, you could have just went there. Like, so I really want folks to get invested in and talk more with people in your community and find the people that are already doing the work and support them. And then if, even if you can't join, right, like if you can't join the org or you can't commit to volunteering or you can't commit to policy strategy sessions or what have you, right. Give them your money. If you, if you have it, if you, if you're privileged and you have the money, give them the money, support the people that are already doing the work, that is how you can fight back. And then of course just, I wouldn't be a policy person if I didn't say this, contact your legislators, like contact them. And, and like, it doesn't always have to be a defensive fight, right? Like I think as a movement, just movements in general, like we're so used to all the horrible things that we've kind of become accustomed to just always being defensive and fighting path. But we can also be proactive and we can all, we can also like reach out to our legislators and reach out to policy makers and champions and just say like, “Hey, this is something I wanna see. Like what can you do to implement something like this?”

Jennie: Oh Monica, thank you so much for being here. I had actually had a good time talking to you about some really horrible things.

Monica: No, it's really horrible. But I definitely like enjoyed talking about this because this is something, an issue that's important to me and something that has directly impacted me and something I have not really spoken about. Like, I've talked about it in, in like op-eds and like tweeted about it a few times, but never like I've gotten into really a lot of public acknowledgement of like the specifics, like maybe once before. And so like if I can like help one person feel seen that's enough for me. So like I'm just happy to have been here and that we were able to have this conversation. I'm happy. We were able to muddle our way through our first time doing this publicly together.

Jennie: Yes. So thank you for being here as I shared mine as well.

Monica: Thank you. Thank you for sharing with me. Wow. Yeah, this is heavy, but definitely you are valid. All the survivors out there y'all are valid and just take it one day at a time., friends.

Jennie: Yes. Thank you.

Monica: Thanks.

Jennie: Okay, everybody. I hope you, and it feels wrong to say enjoyed this conversation, but I hope you enjoyed the conversation I had with Monica. Like I said, it was really important to me that we do this. I wanna just give one last shout out and connection to resources that you can turn to. If you need help. That’s the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE and the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network at 1-800-656-HOPE.

Jennie: Thanks for listening everyone. And we'll see you on our next episode of RePROS Fight Back. For more information, including show notes from this episode and previous episodes, please visit our website at reprosfightback.com. You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at RePROS Fight Back, or on Instagram at reprosfb. If you like our show, please help others find it by sharing it with your friends and subscribing, rating and reviewing us on iTunes. Thanks for listening.

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